Falling In Love, Bachelorette Style

A woman gets her pick of 20 something men, all attractive, all well dressed, all interesting insome  way. She gets to learn basic things about them over the course of some extended time period, they go to interesting locations and often, you hear one or the other say, “this place (insert exotic location here) is the perfect place to fall in love.” That’s the premise of ABC’s The Bachelorette. I hate that I watch it but for me, it’s social research. Do people really live like this?  

 The concept of getting to know multiple people is one I agree with, at least in the very beginning. I think you learn about yourself from your interactions with others. I think you grow in your relationships more than you do in isolation. That said, the concept of The Bachelorette definitely pushes past those boundaries, and getting physically intimate with these people makes it even harder to make the difficult decisions.  

 Also, the limitations of this show is that at no point does the woman get to experience what these men are like in real social situations. How does he behave when he’s the one paying for dinner, as opposed to a network-comped vacation? How does he react when there’s another attractive woman in the room? How does he balance making time for you when he’s working and playing/watching sports and has his own friends and family around? Can you choose to be with someone when you haven’t seen them in those settings?

But that’s not even my focus today. My focus is on the love part. Specifically this act they keep referring to on the show as falling in love. What does it mean?

There are 6 types of love, or at least that’s what the literature says. 

  1. Pragma – love driven by the head, not the heart. 
  2. Agape – unconditional, altruistic love
  3. Mania – obsessive love, filled with highs and lows, like a bipolar disorder 
  4. Storge – love born from friendship 
  5. Eros – passionate love
  6. Ludus – playful love

A while back, I reviewed Sarah Jio’s book The Look of Love on Goodreads here.  I include it here because it used fiction to illustrate (somewhat awkwardly) some of the types of love. 

 Love can inspire jealousy but is not obsessive (Shawn and Kaitlyn), love can be expressed in a playful or romantic way (Jared and Kaitlyn) but just physical passion in itself (Nick and Kaitlyn) is not love. You can choose to live with a person without loving them or choose to say goodbye to a person you love because an intimate relationship hinders the way you can best express love to each other (Ben and Kaitlyn) but you don’t conceive love in your heart. 

On The Bachelorette, I’ve seen all these types of relationships and they called them all “falling in love”. What gives?

There might be a hundred different ways to express yourself and just as many different kinds of relationships you can have with others. But there is only one type of love – real love, as defined by the Bible. These are its characteristics:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres
1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭4-7‬ NIV

That kind of love is what we call unconditional love. Like the love I know without a shadow of a doubt that my parents have for me. That’s love. I don’t think they decided to love me. They just love me and they show that they love me by demonstrating those characteristics. 

There are different relationships that develop but the types of relationships themselves are not the types of love. When you love someone, you do those actions, you embody those characteristics. There’s just no other way… At least that’s my thought. I’d love to hear yours.

So what do you think about this whole “falling in love” business? Can you fall in love with multiple people at the same time, like The Bachelorette? Do you fall in love and out of love? Can you love someone and walk away from them? Can you love someone and choose someone else?

6 Comments Add yours

  1. Kay R. says:

    I watch it as well but I dont for one second view this as normal. Its almost a joke to me. PS that’s one of my favourite Bible verses.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Run Wright says:

      It’s one of my fav verses too. 😀

      Like

  2. Julia says:

    It’s very sad what our culture calls “love” these days. Very far from what real love is!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Run Wright says:

      So true. I wonder how much our views about love are being impacted by what we watch though.

      Like

  3. Paul says:

    Thank you for sharing your thought and starting the conversation about love.
    Your blog is very well written and informative. I hope it helps to clarify the misconception about love or at the very least get others to talk and think about what real love is.

    I agree that there is only standard for love as described in the Bible. If are there is any questions about love, one should use the biblical standard to finds answers. Psychologists have identified many characteristics often associated with being I love, i.e thinking uniquely about someone; heart pounding (butterflies); attention paid to the positive qualities of the beloved or a desire for a “union” with the beloved.
    I choose to identify love by the standard as defined in the Bible.
    At the end of you post you asked a series of questions. I will try to answer them using my limited biblical understanding.

    To answer your questions you first have to define love.
    Love is not a feeling. The feelings that you experience when you love someone is the result of decision you have made to love them.
    Love a decision. You choose who you love. If you take away choice then love is illegitimate.
    This is why GOD said, “I put before you live and death, the blessing and the curse. Therefore choose life…” To choose life is to choose GOD and GOD is love. Therefore, love is a choice and is expeirenced by the demonstration of the characteristics you mentioned in your blog.

    Q. CAN YOU FAll IN LOVE WITH MULTIPLE PEOPLE AT THE SAME TIME, LIKE THE BACHELORETTE?

    A. No.
    You can love multiple people at the same. The bible calls you to love everyone. However, the intimate love, what is referred to as falling in love and leads to marriage, is resevered for one person only. The bachelorette is hoping to get marry at the end of of the show. The intimate love necessary for marriage cannot be achieved if you are intimate with more than one person at the same time. This violates the “oneness purpose” of marriage as laid out in the bible.

    Q. CAN YOU FALL IN AND OUT OF LOVE?

    A. No.
    Love is decision. To fall in and out of love suggests that you don’t have control over who you love.
    You choose who you love and who you don’t love and who you no longer love.
    Can you have feelings for someone who you no longer choose to love? Yes, because love is not a feeling.

    Q. CAN YOU LOVE SOMEONE AND WALK AWAY FROM THEM?

    A. Yes, especially if walking away from them is in their best interest.

    Q. CAN YOU LOVE SOMEONE AND CHOOSE SOMEONE ELSE?

    A. Yes, but you won’t be able to love the one you choose.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Run Wright says:

      That’s a great, lengthy response, Paul. I love how much thought you put into your comment. I can see that you feel strongly about this topic 😀

      Like

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