There are lots of ways to become unhappy, if misery is your goal.
When the mingled smells of rain falling on your tired, sweaty skin doesn’t shock your senses into submission, when the beauty of the haze of the midday sun on a day when it’s 90 degrees in the shade does inspire you to write poetry, when the feel of the grass bending under your feet doesn’t make you want to throw your head back and scream to the heavens, when the simple pleasures of life don’t grab you and pull you into a blissful fog, then of course there’s always misery waiting for you behind door number two.
There are 12 surefire ways to be miserable. Be ye warned that most of these call for you to stop noticing the beautiful roses around you and start paying attention to the thorns instead.
12 Steps to Misery
- Deny the existence of a higher power than yourself.
- Think about yourself all the time
- Talk about yourself all the time – use “I” and “me” in conversation as much as possible
- Listen to everything people say about you
- Mirror yourself on others’ opinions
- Trust no one – be suspicious of everyone and everything
- Be jealous of everyone who has anything you don’t have, especially those things you rejected when they were available to you
- Never forgive or forget a negative comment.
- Demand that everyone agrees with your views on everything
- Do as little as possible to help others
- If you absolutely have to grant favors, sulk if people aren’t eternally grateful
- Never forget a time you did something, no matter how small, for someone else
Just remember, the road to misery is actually a highway with infinite
exits so you can make a different choice at any time.