I am my own best friend. No, I’m not antisocial. No, I’m not selfish. No, I’m not ignoring or downplaying the relationships that I enjoy being a part of. But I am my own best friend. I have to be!
Have you ever noticed how you talk to the people you love – you encourage them with sentences like:
- “You’re so smart.”
- “You’re so funny.”
- “You cook/draw/speak/run (or insert any other skill here) so well.”
- “You’re so great.”
Then, listen to the words you tell yourself when you look in the mirror.
- “You need to lose weight.”
- “Your hair looks terrible.”
When you make a mistake, it’s:
- “You’re such a loser.”
- “You suck!”
You wouldn’t say any of those terrible statements to your best friend, right? And furthermore, your best friend wouldn’t say it to you. So how about applying some of that soothing balm, those soft, comforting, encouraging words that you reserve for other people, and give yourself a generous douse of affirmation and self-love.
A component of the Intentional Living course I’m taking encourages participants to identify their strengths and focus on them. Really, it doesn’t have to be a list of strengths. In fact, even though you may have several talents, and lots of things you are good at, you probably have one main strength – one thing you do better than anything else. Identify that thing and focus on it. You’re the best at running the 5K distance. Then, it’s okay if you don’t have any marathon or half-marathon medals. Focus on your 5K pace and chase the records at that distance only.
You’re the best at organizing. Then stop letting the seeds of doubt tell you that you should also be the best person to write all the organizing books. You don’t have to. That’s what ghost writers are for. There are people who are good at writing, and great at capturing and expressing someone else’s idea, who will help you with all that stuff.
I’m not a fan of Donald Trump’s politics but I am a fan of his confidence. Have you listened to his interviews? Pay attention to Trump and you’ll notice that he takes advantage of every opportunity, and creates opportunities where none existed before, to flaunt his accomplishments and his successes.
You want to talk about how he is falling behind in the current polls? Fine, but first Mr. Trump will mention that he held a commanding lead in the national polls for several weeks, and that he is leading in several other major polls, and that those that show he is leading are really the more important ones and the only ones you should really pay attention to. You want to talk about books? No problem, but The Donald will mention that he wrote a NY Times bestseller and that he wrote every page himself. You want to change the subject to talk about how inspiring his other opponents are – Dr. Carson, his main competitor, started off as a barely literate kid in Detroit and went on to become the most famous neurosurgeon. That sounds like a success story? Mr. Trump will say, sure, you’ve got it, but first, listen to the tale of how he, too, started with little and made millions, for himself and for other people, and how his achievements have garnered him influence and listen to him list all the VIPs he knows and how beautifully they will all speak of him.
You’ve got to admit the man knows how to promote himself well – he even has me talking about him today. No question about it, Donald Trump is his own best friend. Without paying attention to his political stance or his political ambitions, some of us can stand to adopt a little of that self-love.
The Intentional Living book suggests that you list some of your own positive attributes. It says to list 100. You might be thinking you don’t have 100 positive attributes. Yes you do. (I bet Trump wouldn’t have any trouble with this assignment).
But go ahead and start small. Start with 20 or 10 or 3. List 3 things you love about yourself. List 3 things your (other) best friend would probably say you do well. If you’re stuck, call him or her and ask. Then write them down. And start reminding yourself of those attributes every time you’re tempted to say something negative about yourself.
You’re special. You’re awesome. You sing well. Or you’re the best at singing any song that only hovers between C and F notes on the scale.
You’re special. You need to start telling yourself that more. Become your own best friend and love yourself. Believe in the possibilities of your dreams even when no one else does. Belief in yourself won’t always lead to the results you want but it will make you feel a lot better after a setback, so you’re ready to move on to the next opportunity.
Updated 6/22/17: In 2016, Donald Trump won the election to become the 45th President of the United States. Talk about the power of a little self love!
I’m choosing to be my own best friend. What about you?
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Most definitely!
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Good for you, lady!
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You are right about self-love. We all need to be nicer to ourselves and admire our triumphs and accomplishments. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy.
I agree with you about Donald Trump. He is always willing to give himself a pat on the back.
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Thanks, Constance. Where I am from, people don’t toot their own horn – they wait for people to acknowledge them and even then,they usually shrug off compliments. So this self-admiration is something I am learning slowly. I am still not an expert at it but I am taking notes 😀
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Love this post! I use to be super down on myself and critique myself on not being the best of the best when I did something. Comparing ourselves to others can be so damaging and create a negative relationship with ourselves! But I’ve been working on this and have been telling myself good things about myself too! I remember when I did a challenge it told me to write things I loved about myself and I thought it was a little silly but did it anyways and felt so much more confident and happy with myself afterwards! I feel self love needs to be focused on more!
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Thanks for the comment, Caroline. I really appreciate your sharing your experience. I hail from the school of thought that says wait on someone to compliment you. Just last week I heard one of the contestants on a TV show praise herself, saying how good she was, and one of the hosts commented that she should wait for someone else to say it about her instead of saying it herself.
Taking it to the extreme can be boastful and no one likes a bragger but we should always remind ourselves just how much we are capable of and I think that starts with acknowledging what we’ve already done and who we are.
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I agree, obviously there is a line between being proud and confident versus arrogant and belittling. I saw this article the other day! It definitely made me surprised and a little sad to see how our younger generations rely more one social approval than self-love http://www.buzzfeed.com/stephaniemcneal/a-teen-instagram-star-is-editing-her-photo-captions-to-show?bftw&utm_term=.ykwDxmQDY#.lyqBDqyBm
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I like this idea a lot! Definitely a good way to keep yourself feeling positive and not too overwhelmed with a lot on your plate as well! 🙂 XO- Alexandra
Simply Alexandra: My Favorite Things
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You got it, Alexandra. We have to be nice to ourselves so we can enjoy all the wonderful things in our lives.
Thanks for the comment.
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This is a must share! I used to be very harsh on myself. I started turning around negative, debasing self-talk to loving self-talk. Slowly but surely my attitude started to change and I became a happier person. God created us, so he wants us to be kind to his creations.
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Thanks for these words, T. I think it’s a important lesson. We should love others AS we love ourselves so it all starts with self-love.
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What a great post! There are a few things that I admire about Trump in this election, and this is one of them. As terrible and uncensored as he is- it’s kind of refreshing to see someone so unapologetic and honest! Even if I disagree with a lot of what he says and does, ya gotta like a politician that isn’t afraid to say what’s really on their mind 🙂
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Thanks, Gretchen. I’m so glad you understand. I don’t know if Trump is addressing all the issues but he is definitely uncensored with the views he is sharing. And I do admire someone who says what they’re thinking instead of pretending until they’re in office.
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This is such a great reminder! It’s so sad how much easier it is to be nicer to others than it is to be nice to ourselves… especially since we have to be around ourselves 24/7. It can feel a little funny to focus on our strengths and accomplishments initially, but there’s no reason we shouldn’t be proud of ourselves and what we’ve achieved.
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Thanks for the comment, Amanda. It really shouldn’t be possible to be nice to others yet be mean to ourselves but we do it… I do it sometimes. I saw a quote once that said.. “If I asked you to list everything you loved, I wonder how long it would take you to add yourself.” It made me think because I don’t think I would’ve added my name either.
Let’s all just promise to treat ourselves well from today on.
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I definitely could work on my own confidence and learning how to love myself. I really admire you for speaking out about this and sharing your thoughts! It’s given me a lot to think about.
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Thanks so much for your words, Julia. I hope we all learn to love ourselves a little better, be confident in who we are and acknowledge how special we are instead of being defined by our fears.
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I always think of the analogy of the airplane masks. It’s simply impossible to help others if you don’t help yourself first. You can’t love or become someone’s else best friend if you don’t feel the same for yourself.
If you are OK with being alone, you don’t need to use people as companions. You with them because you love them.
I just added the book to my Amazon wish list. Thank you for your recommendation.
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Love this – so encouraging, and such a great perspective! I needed to read this just about now. 😉 thank you for sharing!
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Thanks for reading, Sarah. I hope you do take the opportunity to affirm yourself – there is so much to admire about you and you should definitely start with acknowledging it yourself.
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