I have lost my best friend. Lost her like a gold coin that I kept too close to the top of my pocket, playing with it, admiring it, so enchanted with it that I didn’t want it to get too far from me, that when I danced around, it must have fallen out into the thick grass at my feet. Lost.

I don’t know where she is, or if she jumped out of my pocket when I wasn’t looking, not content in the tight enclosure, seeking freedom.

Rumors swirled around her disappearance, like a thick mist. There is speculation about things she might have done. I don’t know if any of it is true, not does it matter. I’ve heard things about her before but it never changed my admiration of her, of the joy she was able to conjure up even in miserable circumstances. I remember being told that she wasn’t trustworthy, that she shared my secrets with others, yet I continued to tell her things I didn’t dare utter to anyone else. Because how I felt when she caught the words that poured out of me and became streams of light in her hands, well that feeling mattered more than where the light went next. She made me laugh, that head back, tonsils pulsing, eyes streaming, belly bouncing kind of laugh I haven’t been able to accomplish since. That feeling trumped everything else. I miss her.

I know she left me. Something happened and when she moved away from it, she decided that it was easier to run away from me than to me, chose to sacrifice me at the altar of time. I’ve heard that time changes things and I hope time also changes minds and intentions, that someday the decision to be away from me, will morph into missing me and wondering why I’m not around. I wish I knew how to reach her, which doorway to darken with my presence and wait for the passing of time. She brought so much light to my life and while I wait for her, I hope she has found someone else whose day gets lit when she calls. The world deserves that light, even if it’s not shining in my corner right now.

But hey best friend, if you ever want to talk sometime, give me a call.

Thinking Out Loud, Thursday Thoughts, Stuff and Things