Our wedding was 10 days ago which means I am now an expert on marriage. This is where you chuckle and I admit that that was just an icebreaker, designed to capture your attention and let you know that I’m aware that I don’t know anything about marriage. Well, not nothing, but certainly not a lot. But I have been married for 10 days and I thought it would be a good time to reflect on what I have learned.
My husband and I met each other and got engaged and married in just over a year. By some standards, that’s fast but they say when you meet the person you want to spend your life with, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. That was true for us. We enjoy each other’s company, we have a lot of the same interests and since we weren’t going to live together “in sin”, we knew we had to get married so we could just stop all the going back and forth to meet up and drop off after every date. There are a lot of important conversations that we didn’t have before our wedding day, mostly because when we get together, we spend a lot of our time talking about the present and future and laughing at things we both find hilarious. About half of our discussions end in laughter and cuddles, which I personally find way more fulfilling than being serious all the time.
Not to say we’ve never broached any of the big topics. Like we’ve talked politics, religion and career goals but we also made a commitment to remain together for better or worse times. Other than that, who can really plan the future?
Click below to watch our YouTube video where he talks and I laugh about half the time.
Jokes aside though, here are some things I’ve learned in the first 10 days of being married
- Insight #1: My husband isn’t perfect. But then again, neither am I, as much as I’d like to think otherwise. We both have strengths and if I can acknowledge them, I can actually use them for my benefit, because that’s our reason for being together – so we can support each other.
- Insight #2: Discussions that might not be going my way can be sidestepped with kisses and hugs until I can remind myself that the issue is never as important as the person.
- Insight #3: As similar as we are, we have some differences. Like we don’t necessarily agree on what temperature the thermostat should be set at or how much time should be spent celebrating Super Bowl LII where his beloved Philadelphia Eagles beat my New England Patriots, but if a relationship can survive facing off on one of the most competitive sporting days of the year, and not just survive but thrive, then I think we’ll be okay.
- Insight #4: Some things aren’t important – not even things that felt urgent a few moments ago. Two days before the wedding when plans were collapsing and I was prepared to go into full freakout mode, my hubby had another challenge that demanded his attention. At a time when all his attention was supposed to be on me, right? I’m the bride after all. But I realized that if I put aside the wedding stuff and just concentrated on helping him through the challenge, that (a) I could help him work on overcoming it, that (b) us working together would mean he didn’t have to worry about me being alone doing wedding stuff and (c) I would have something to tease him later so we could laugh some more. All of those things happened, well except the teasing (I’m saving that in my back pocket for an otherwise humorless day) but the experience provided the insight that what felt urgent paled in comparison to how important my spouse is. Nothing is more important than supporting him.
- Insight #5: We’re one. A unit! This means that what he has (good or bad) is mine but because we’ve been given to each other, I’m also his so whatever I have (or got from him) is also his, which leads us into an unending circle of rights and responsibilities. I am still wrapping my head around this. The bills are both ours, but so is the money we got as wedding gifts. In one fell swoop, when he put the ring on my finger, I lost everything but gained everything at the same time. None of it is mine, none of it is his, it’s all ours and we are one. Nothing to do but grin and enjoy it. Cue the laughter where you roar as you realize how naive I was at relationships.
So now that we are an old married couple and I am expert enough to hand out sage relationship advice… Okay, just please stop rolling your eyes long enough to click to subscribe to my blog, click on my Youtube channel where I’d love if you subscribed as well, and definitely come back for more of these posts